you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
