She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
