that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
