I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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