the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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