do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
