Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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