so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
