Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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