Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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