i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
