that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
please come you make the beer taste better
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
