I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
