Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
