My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
