too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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