how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
