she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
