Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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