i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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