he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
