sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
