apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
