I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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