that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
