So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I cannot find my penis.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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