She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
