Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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