I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
