I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
