i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My penis needs a shock collar
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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