I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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