Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
