um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my shit smells like andre
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone came in the potted fern
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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