You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
