im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
