we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
