I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
