No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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