How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
