Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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