I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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