So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
