I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
