dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
