Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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