Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
