are you still at the devil's house?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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