it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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