Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
