absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
