Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
