I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
