I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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