I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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