So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
