i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
