I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
